


A long and crispy road

by Fjore



Series: Tales from the Crispyverse [3]
Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: AU and canon universe crossover, Crispyverse, Multi, Multiverse, Road Trip from Hell, Time Travel, we can't stop here this is faoladh country
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2019-08-27 04:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16695670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fjore/pseuds/Fjore
Summary: So with Gunmar defeated, and not one but two pale ladies running around, the denizens of trollmarket head for new jersey.





	1. Just checking in

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go, folks. Buckle your anuses.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara checks in with her son during a break at work.

Usernames are as follows:

GnomeSlayer : Jim

WarKing : Toby

L4dybug : Claire

Blinky : Blinky

RRR : Arrrgh

Dr.L : Barbara

W.Strickler : Strickler

Nomura : Nomura

Basement_dweller : Draal

Eli : Eli

SpringKing : Steve

DarkPrince : Bular

KannibalKilla : NE

MurderBreath : Atreyu

OldManDale : Dale

Rotten : Angor Rot

Dicc : Dictatious

Underl0rd : Gunmar

Marshmall0W : Chompsky

ButtWizard : Merlin

Think that covers everyone.

 

1/3/17

8:56 PM [W.Strickler] May I ask why you insist on keeping his horn?

8:56 PM [Basement_dweller] He deserves a trophy.

8:56 PM [GnomeSlayer] this thing was inside my ribcage ok im keeping it

8:57 PM [GnomeSlayer] has sent a file: gord.png

8:57 PM [Dr.L] You really should be resting right now.

8:57 PM [GnomeSlayer] cant im honestly really wired right now

8:58 PM [KannibalKilla] should carve that horn into a bong lmao

8:58 PM [WarKing] yeah you're a man now dude, smoke some danklands out of your enemy's severed pieces

8:58 PM [SpringKing] yeah men do that

8:59 PM [Dr.L] Anything exciting happening?

8:59 PM [GnomeSlayer] it's honestly pretty boring right now

8:59 PM [L4dybug] Lots of walking.

9:00 PM [GnomeSlayer] Walking.

9:00 PM [Dr.L] Sounds like a party.

9:01 PM [KannibalKilla] It's not a party yet. Still waiting for Dale to get here with the d r u g s

9:01 PM [Blinky] Wonderful example you're setting for your child.

9:01 PM [KannibalKilla] he knows we smoke grass and why the kids not dumb

9:01 PM [L4dybug] did you tell them NE

9:02 PM [KannibalKilla] what

9:03 PM [Dr.L] You reached the nevada border this morning right?

9:03 PM [Blinky] Vendel wants to take us further north. It will add at least two months to our journey.

9:03 PM [L4dybug] that atreyu called u dad earlier

9:04 PM [WarKing] thats adorable tbh

9:04 PM [KannibalKilla] ah yeah, that was something else

9:04 PM [DarkPrince] You almost cried.

9:05 PM [KannibalKilla] that'll do

9:05 PM [SpringKing] hes got like 3 dads tho how does that work

9:05 PM [DarkPrince] Atreyu calls us different names.

9:06 PM [KannibalKilla] i'm dad, draal is father, he calls bular abi

9:06 PM [Dr.L] abi?

9:06 PM [Blinky] I believe the English equivalent is "daddy".

9:07 PM [L4dybug] aw what

9:07 PM [GnomeSlayer] dang

9:08 PM [Eli] So how long will your trip be if you do head north?

9:08 PM [Blinky] The better part of a year.

9:08 PM [KannibalKilla] did you guys ever see bagdwella's TTT audition video

9:08 PM [WarKing] no please share

9:09 PM [KannibalKilla] has sent a file: datbutt.mp4

9:09 PM [SpringKing] lol

9:10 PM [KannibalKilla] butt so huge you could just

9:10 PM [KannibalKilla] live in it

9:10 PM [Dr.L] I'm gonna pretend I didn't read that.

9:10 PM [L4dybug] lmao

9:10 PM [OldManDale] what is ttt

9:11 PM [GnomeSlayer] they wanted to start a twerk team

9:11 PM [OldManDale] sounds like fun also I'm almost back we can leave soon

9:12 PM [KannibalKilla] good cause i dont think merlin can stall vendel for much longer

9:12 PM [Dr.L] Is he still mad at you, Jim?

9:12 PM [GnomeSlayer] that's an understatement

9:13 PM [KannibalKilla] nah mad is when you ask when her baby's due and it turns out she's just fat

9:13 PM [GnomeSlayer] yeah p sure vendel has at least a hundred different death scenarios planned out for me right now.

9:14 PM [Nomura] That's hardly your doing. Gunmar destroyed the heartstone, not you.

9:14 PM [GnomeSlayer] yeah but I let him out

9:14 PM [WarKing] and kicked his ass!

9:14 PM [SpringKing] yeah hard to believe you let him live tho


	2. pigeon master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar(?) face arrives in Arcadia Oaks. Merlin investigates.

1/7/17

4:39 AM [KannibalKilla] nah that was cool don't listen to them

4:39 AM [GnomeSlayer] idk why I did it 

4:40 AM [WarKing] wait what happened also good morning

4:40 AM [GnomeSlayer] morning, I caught a pigeon in mid flight and bit its head off

4:40 AM [WarKing] dang

4:40 AM [WarKing] taste good?

4:41 AM [GnomeSlayer] could have used pepper tbh

4:41 AM [MurderBreath] pigeon is pretty good with burnt plastic

4:42 AM [GnomeSlayer] ill keep that in mind

4:42 AM [KannibalKilla] what are you doing up so early warking

4:42 AM [WarKing] steve texted me I guess there's a troll trashing a used car lot across town

4:42 AM [GnomeSlayer] oh crap be careful you guys

4:42 AM [WarKing] we got this

4:43 AM [Nomura] gynt, why do I have a dozen photos of you with a dead bird in your mouth in my inbox

4:43 AM [KannibalKilla] shit was like lightning fast too

4:43 AM [OldManDale] we awake already?

4:44 AM [W.Strickler] Apparently.

4:44 AM [Marshmall0w] sup dale

4:44 AM [OldManDale] Tired. Wattie's awake so I'm pretty much required to be awake.

4:45 AM [KannibalKilla] kids right

4:45 AM [W.Strickler] How is he handling living among Bular?

4:46 AM [OldManDale] Honestly, better than I figured he would. 

4:46 AM [W.Strickler] and you?

4:47 AM [OldManDale] I'm alright.

4:47 AM [DarkPrince] I give them space. I wasn't expecting to see either of them again.

4:47 AM [OldManDale] right but are you okay?

4:48 AM [DarkPrince] I suppose.

4:48 AM [KannibalKilla] I feel like I'm missin something

4:48 AM [Marshmall0w] you guys got beef or something

4:49 AM [Blinky] Jim, there's a fistfight happening towards the front of the group, we could use your assistance.

4:49 AM [GnomeSlayer] omw

4:50 AM [KannibalKilla] get pictures

4:50 AM [ButtWizard] I've found a much faster way to reach new jersey. There is a network of caves that would potentially provide protection from the sunlight for more than half of our journey.

4:51 AM [KannibalKilla] oh thats where you went?

4:51 AM [ButtWizard] When I return, we have much to discuss. I believe that I was attacked this afternoon.

4:52 AM [W.Strickler] You believe you were attacked?

4:52 AM [ButtWizard] Upon returning to see the heartstone, I was tossed away from it as though by some magic force. I just woke up.

4:52 AM [WarKing] guys bular is with you right

4:52 AM [L4dybug] yes he's right here

4:52 AM [OldManDale] using an airzooka to shoot farts at vendel

4:53 AM [WarKing] has sent a file: Bular.png

4:53 AM [DarkPrince] Who is that impostor?

4:53 AM [WarKing] @GnomeSlayer

4:53 AM [WarKing] he thinks gunmar is still in the darklands and won't stop yelling about jim

4:54 AM [RRR] Sleeper hold.

4:54 AM [KannibalKilla] @Rotten are you still around arcadia?

4:54 AM [GnomeSlayer] bular's right here though

4:54 AM [OldManDale] is he crispn't?

4:55 AM [ButtWizard] I will return to Arcadia Oaks and examine him for myself. This may have something to do with the attack from before.

4:55 AM [KannibalKilla] This means we have to smoke weed with him.

4:56 AM [W.Strickler] Yes, that is what's important here.

4:56 AM [DarkPrince] Perhaps he will listen to me.

4:56 AM [L4dybug] @Dicc you guys aren't that far from arcadia are you

4:57 AM [WarKing] good thinking

4:57 AM [DarkPrince] Weren't he and my father exiled?

4:58 AM [L4dybug] yeah jim told them to hit the road but dictatious is still in the chat

4:58 AM [GnomeSlayer] can we have like three days without something insane happening

4:59 AM [KannibalKilla] nah

4:59 AM [Dicc] And here I thought we could relax for a while. That looks like Bular, certainly. Gunmar is resting, but I will inform him of this when he awakens.

5:00 AM [KannibalKilla] maybe u should wake him up this is kinda important

5:00 AM [GnomeSlayer] NE are you and bular going to arcadia with merlin

5:01 AM [DarkPrince] Yes. I wish to meet myself.

5:01 AM [KannibalKilla] @Marshmall0w we need a van or something

5:01 AM [Dicc] I won't wake him. Gunmar looks positively adorable when he's sleeping. Even with blood and entrails on his face.

5:01 AM [OldManDale] So there are two bulars

5:02 AM [WarKing] Yeah, this one's a dicklord though. He smashed a taco bueno truck and just laughed

5:02 AM [Nomura] Bastard.

5:02 AM [WarKing] I felt their pain

5:03 AM [OldManDale] The tacos?

5:03 AM [KannibalKilla] he's taco kin

5:04 AM [WarKing] so we have him locked up in those old cells in trollmarket are these gonna hold??

5:05 AM [ButtWizard] I'm on my way now. Don't let him out.

5:05 AM [SpringKing] yeah no shit don't let him out

 


	3. Liquid Bular

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes discuss the weird Bular clone from another universe. Jim considers changing his sweater.

 

1/9/17

 

2:41 PM [SpringKing] It isn't a purse its a messenger bag

2:41 PM [KannibalKilla] mate that's a fuckin purse

2:41 PM [WarKing] It's only a purse if you carry your wallet in it NE

2:42 PM [WarKing] also what the hell are you guys doing in nevada

2:42 PM [Eli] Killing a leprechaun.

2:42 PM [Eli] has sent a file: deadlep.png

2:43 PM [SpringKing] We got the official creepslayerz website finished and we take contracts now

2:43 PM [Dr.L] elijah why are you painted like a clown

2:43 PM [SpringKing] he got adopted by some juggalos lmao

2:43 PM [Dr.L] ok

2:43 PM [ButtWizard] I've spoken with your prisoner, Tobias. He doesn't seem to remember much at all.

2:44 PM [WarKing] I'm sure NE and bular are hard at work crispifying him

2:44 PM [L4dybug] jfc can you imagine more of them

2:44 PM [Dr.L] I'm trying not to

2:44 PM [WarKing] jim said dick and gunmar were gonna come talk to him

2:45 PM [OldManDale] who are you holding prisoner?

2:45 PM [WarKing] bular clone from another universe

2:46 PM [OldManDale] oh yeah

2:46 PM [GnomeSlayer] dick and gunmar are on their way yeah 

2:46 PM [WarKing] lmao did marshmallow show you the video 

2:47 PM [L4dybug] ne rapping about king of the hill

2:47 PM [GnomeSlayer] fffss yes

2:47 PM [GnomeSlayer] uhh a hill dont fuck around uhh

2:48 PM [WarKing] jim what if you met yourself from the other universe

2:48 PM [GnomeSlayer] idk honestly 

2:48 PM [Eli] it's probably not the best idea

2:48 PM [Eli] liquid bular said his dad is still in the darklands and that you were still fully human

2:49 PM [WarKing] lol liquid bular

2:49 PM [DarkPrince] I do not understand that.

2:49 PM [GnomeSlayer] so liquid jim doesn't know what's going to happen

2:50 PM [Dr.L] Is that from a video game or?

2:50 PM [WarKing] @DarkPrince you're 'solid bular'

2:50 PM [OldManDale] Easier to say than 'bular clone from another dimension'

2:50 PM [Eli] if you meet liquid jim it might really mess up their future 

2:51 PM [GnomeSlayer] That makes sense I guess. Should I wear a blue sweater?

2:51 PM [WarKing] whoa what?

2:51 PM [WarKing] your red sweater is like your signature 

2:52 PM [KannibalKilla] so liquid bular is an absolute jackass

2:52 PM [DarkPrince] I agree. We should be rid of him as soon as we can.

2:52 PM [L4dybug] What did he say?

2:53 PM [KannibalKilla] all manner of vile shit aimed at changelings mostly

2:53 PM [GnomeSlayer] @ButtWizard any ideas on how to send him back?

2:53 PM [WarKing] in pieces preferably 

2:53 PM [DarkPrince] This is acceptable. There is only room on this earth for solid bular.

2:54 PM [OldManDale] subject him to memes

2:54 PM [WarKing] I tried dude but he doesn't even look after I showed him the he-man video

2:54 PM [GnomeSlayer] I don't blame him tbh that video killed at least half of my brain cells

2:55 PM [Basement_dweller] It cannot be any worse than that stupid song you two taught Atreyu.

2:55 PM [WarKing] We are n u m b e r o n e 

2:55 PM [Basement_dweller] Yes that one.


	4. Werewolves of Vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The creepslayerz ask Jim for his assistance with some unruly werewolves. Dale is planning something.

1/15/17

5:46 PM [WarKing] has sent a file: bularsquared.png 

5:46 PM [GnomeSlayer] that's honestly pretty scary 

5:46 PM [KannibalKilla] now we need another me and it'll be a full on crossover 

5:47 PM [L4dybug] are you sure you can handle two bulars?

5:47 PM [KannibalKilla] yeah once dick and gunmar showed up he chilled out

5:47 PM [DarkPrince] The two of us have agreed to remain in Arcadia. We will be here until the wizard has found a way to send him home.

5:47 PM [KannibalKilla] plus we can hang out here with atreyu until then

5:48 PM [L4dybug] @ButtWizard any luck with that? 

5:48 PM [ButtWizard] Liquid Bular doesn't remember much aside from a bright golden light similar to the light I saw before being tossed away from the heartstone. The two must be connected.

5:48 PM [L4dybug] So that's a no?

5:48 PM [ButtWizard] Unfortunately.

5:49 PM [Eli] Hey so creepslayerz are kinda busy with some goblins back in Arcadia but we got a contract for some werewolves in Las Vegas 

5:49 PM [GnomeSlayer] werewolves in vegas? 

5:50 PM [OldManDale] I thought werewolves lived in london.

5:50 PM [MurderBreath] fuck ur old 

5:50 PM [GnomeSlayer] wanna slay some werewolves @L4dybug? Vegas is only like 20 minutes away

5:50 PM [KannibalKilla] get pics 

5:51 PM [L4dybug] Yeah I'm down anything beats waiting in this tunnel

5:51 PM [Blinky] Somebody could see you. It's far too dangerous.

5:51 PM [GnomeSlayer] yes but answering the c a l l 

5:52 PM [SpringKing] chainsaws are their biggest weakness just a pointer 

5:52 PM [Nomura] Now you're concerned with answering any call.

5:52 PM [GnomeSlayer] if it means I'm not stuck in this tunnel watching those two guys over there snorting grave drugs out of each other's armpits 

5:53 PM [GnomeSlayer] has sent a file: extracrispy.png

5:53 PM [WarKing] dang lol 

5:54 PM [Blinky] Then I will go with you. We leave at sunset.

5:54 PM [GnomeSlayer] right on

5:54 PM [OldManDale] hey quick question how long do werewolves live if you don't murder em 

5:55 PM [Eli] From what I was told around 2000 years if you leave them alone 

5:55 PM [WarKing] wow really? Did not know that.

5:55 PM [OldManDale] Weird. Mind if I tag along? 

5:56 PM [OldManDale] has sent a file: cap.png

5:56 PM [KannibalKilla] mate that little pistol isn't gonna do much against a fully grown werewolf

5:56 PM [WarKing] Those bullets look weird.

5:57 PM [Nomura] They're tainted with creeper's sun. Dale where did you get those?

5:57 PM [GnomeSlayer] whoa what 

5:57 PM [OldManDale] I have noodle arms aight i can't fight a troll head on 

5:57 PM [GnomeSlayer] that's honestly pretty scary but cool as heck

5:58 PM [DarkPrince] You made these after you shot me, didn't you?

5:58 PM [GnomeSlayer] Sun's almost down. If you're coming then meet us at the tunnel entrance.

5:58 PM [WarKing] dude get tons of pictures 

5:59 PM [W.Strickler] Dale are you sure that's a good idea?

5:59 PM [OldManDale] Yes.

5:59 PM [KannibalKilla] Your boy knows you're leaving right?

5:59 PM [W.Strickler] He's up to something.

6:00 PM [GnomeSlayer] You think? We'll keep an eye on him.

6:00 PM [Basement_dweller] We've cleared most of the mess left in trollmarket. The gyre station is nearly complete.

6:01 PM [Blinky] Excellent!

6:01 PM [RRR] Miss Blinky. 

6:01 PM [Blinky] I miss you too, Aaarrrggh.

6:01 PM [WarKing] We were lookin and there's actually an old gyre station in Tuscon we could visit you guys at!

6:01 PM [Blinky] That's wonderful news! @GnomeSlayer did you see where I left the chainsaw?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some quality father and son werewolf killin' time.


	5. Nipple king [block party]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Claire return from werewolf slaying.

1/15/17

12:31 AM [KannibalKilla] merlin tell me you have some idea what we're doing with liquid bular because he isn't staying here

12:31 AM [Basement_dweller] We must be rid of him soon.

12:31 AM [Rotten] Liquid Gunmar must be concerned with his son's disappearance. This could be troublesome for any potential liquid trollhunters.

12:32 AM [KannibalKilla] shit he's right that's even worse

12:32 AM [ButtWizard] Unfortunately I can't do much if liquid Bular continues to refuse to allow me to examine him.

12:32 AM [DarkPrince] Was I this much of a shit when we met @KannibalKilla 

12:33 AM [KannibalKilla] nah liquid bular is on another level of fuckery 

12:33 AM [GnomeSlayer] I thought you guys were crispifying him?

12:33 AM [DarkPrince] I thought we removed you from this chat.

12:34 AM [GnomeSlayer] NE let me in again but hey we have a problem

12:34 AM [Blinky] Dale let a werewolf escape, in return for a bite on his arm.

12:34 AM [KannibalKilla] he didn't tell you his plan?

12:35 AM [Dr.L] Is he okay?

12:35 AM [GnomeSlayer] He's not hurt but he won't talk to anyone about it.

12:35 AM [KannibalKilla] and theres still a werewolf running around las vegas 

12:35 AM [GnomeSlayer] yeah that too 

12:36 AM [Rotten] I'm sure that's no problem for you, trollhunter. Your skill in combat has improved greatly.

12:36 AM [KannibalKilla] Oh yeah we got the video Claire sent 

12:36 AM [Dr.L] Maybe tearing that poor werewolf's hand off wasn't necessary 

12:36 AM [GnomeSlayer] no probably not but send me the video I still haven't seen

12:36 AM [Nomura] Was it necessary to tear your shirt off before donning the armor?

12:37 AM [GnomeSlayer] yes it was

12:37 AM [KannibalKilla] you still have one nipple lmao 

12:37 AM [Blinky] I'd advise against tearing your clothes in mid combat in the future, Jim. Claire was distracted long enough for one of the beasts to get close.

12:37 AM [KannibalKilla] pffft she can handle a mangy were

12:38 AM [GnomeSlayer] Dale's in trouble lol

12:38 AM [KannibalKilla] His boy chewing him out?

12:38 AM [GnomeSlayer] yeah it's bad 

12:38 AM [W.Strickler] You should have left him. Now thanks to Dale you'll have made enemies of the local weres. 

12:38 AM [Dicc] We saw the video as well.

12:39 AM [GnomeSlayer] formidable as heck

12:39 AM [Blinky] Yes, formidable indeed. 

12:39 AM [Blinky] has sent a file: noodle.png

12:39 AM [Dr.L] Jim don't play with your food

12:39 AM [Nomura] We'll make short work of any werewolves that dare attack us. They are strong but still only flesh and bone. 

12:39 AM [GnomeSlayer] yeah I'm not as worried about the werewolves as I am about Dale just asking one to bite him 

12:40 AM [Dr.L] @KannibalKilla did he tell you what he was doing?

12:40 AM [KannibalKilla] yeah but like I said before I'm not a snitch

12:40 AM [DarkPrince] He simply wishes to live as long as his son.

12:40 AM [GnomeSlayer] oh 

12:41 AM [ButtWizard] Leave him be. 

12:41 AM [KannibalKilla] aight I thought my one rule was no serious conversation 

12:41 AM [Rotten] Right.

12:41 AM [KannibalKilla] what's it like having only one nipple 

12:41 AM [GnomeSlayer] idk honestly I don't really pay attention to it

12:42 AM [DarkPrince] You are growing a crown as well, aren't you?

12:42 AM [Dr.L] So what does that mean again?

12:42 AM [DarkPrince] Horns like mine or my father's horns, made to gore your enemies.

12:43 AM [GnomeSlayer] It feels weird. 

12:43 AM [KannibalKilla] no fair jim gets a nipple and a crown!

12:43 AM [GnomeSlayer] I would trade this nipple for a tenth finger tbh 

12:43 AM [KannibalKilla] shit maybe that's where your finger went 

12:44 AM [GnomeSlayer] i will eat you 


	6. The cult of Gunmar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunmar has fanboys.

1/23/18

3:55 AM [Dicc] Gunmar and I had some unexpected visitors this morning. 

3:55 AM [Dicc] Behold the cult of Gunmar!

3:56 AM [Dicc] has sent a file: fanboys.png

3:56 AM [WarKing] bro what gunmar has fanboys??

3:56 AM [KannibalKilla] is that a fuckin hockey mask

3:57 AM [Dicc] They found us because of instagram and decides they were ready to kill in Gunmar's name. 

3:57 AM [GnomeSlayer] Okay some of those guys look really young please tell me Gunmar just sent them home or something 

3:57 AM [Dicc] Nonsense, he told them to stay. Having servants to travel the surface for him when the sun is high is a wonderful idea!

3:57 AM [GnomeSlayer] okay but those are teenagers?

3:58 AM [KannibalKilla] Man why does gunmar get murderous fanboys? Where's MY legion?

3:58 AM [WarKing] Dick just tell them to go home those are kids

3:58 AM [Dicc] You seem to forget that we're badguys so no, we have six new killer houseguests. I'm keeping them because they're simply adorable!

3:58 AM [GnomeSlayer] Okay but if they start acting up I will come down there 

3:59 AM [Dicc] okay mom

3:59 AM [Eli] What you guys are seeing is what happens to conspiracy nuts gone bad. When nobody listens they do crazy shit!

3:59 AM [KannibalKilla] @DarkPrince let's find some killer teenagers to do our bidding

4:00 AM [GnomeSlayer] has added [Underl0rd] 

4:00 AM [GnomeSlayer] Send those kids home Gunmar

4:01 AM [Underl0rd] No.

4:01 AM [GnomeSlayer] do not make me hunt you down

4:01 AM [Underl0rd] Hunt me down? 

4:01 AM [Underl0rd] I'm outside of Arcadia. Come get some.

4:02 AM [KannibalKilla] did gunmar just tell you to get some lmao

4:02 AM [DarkPrince] He's learning human turn of phrase thanks to Dictatious.

4:02 AM [GnomeSlayer] yeah well tell those kids to go home or prepare to get ur cheeks clapped

4:02 AM [Nomura] Strickler just gagged on his coffee well done gynt

4:03 AM [WarKing] I'm dying lol

4:03 AM [Dicc] Those cheeks are mine to clap, thank you.

4:03 AM [WarKing] you're lucky dr lake didn't see that 

4:03 AM [KannibalKilla] aight unrelated but liquid bular finally let merlin look at him

4:03 AM [GnomeSlayer] Nice. Any new info?

4:04 AM [KannibalKilla] Nope. Still an asshole.

4:04 AM [GnomeSlayer] Dang. We just reached Arizona this morning.

4:04 AM [OldManDale] and it sucks

4:05 AM [GnomeSlayer] You okay Dale?

4:05 AM [OldManDale] Yeah. The bite's not infected anymore but it looks bad.

4:05 AM [KannibalKilla] first full moon is soon though right?

4:05 AM [OldManDale] On the tenth.

4:05 AM [Nomura] I can't believe you just let a werewolf bite you.

4:06 AM [Underl0rd] You dare threaten to clap my cheeks, trollhunter?

4:06 AM [GnomeSlayer] uh yeah 

4:06 AM [KannibalKilla] what are you gonna sic your teenagers on him?

4:06 AM [Underl0rd] I may.

4:06 AM [WarKing] man is it weird that i kinda missed having gunmar in the chat 

4:07 AM [KannibalKilla] nah him and jim are hilarious

4:07 AM [GnomeSlayer] Okay?

4:07 AM [Blinky] Jim we could use youf assistance near the second campfire 

4:07 AM [GnomeSlayer] omw dad

4:07 AM [WarKing] aww

4:08 AM [KannibalKilla] shit those two are adorable you gotta see em

4:08 AM [WarKing] Hey we're still meeting at that gyre station in tuscon right?

4:08 AM [KannibalKilla] Yeah that's how bular and me are getting back cause we aren't ever driving with merlin again

4:09 AM [DarkPrince] Not in a thousand lifetimes.

4:09 AM [WarKing] That bad huh?

4:09 AM [KannibalKilla] He can never have a license. Don't let him drive.

4:09 AM [Basement_dweller] Can't be any more terrifying than riding with Blinky.

4:10 AM [KannibalKilla] I'll ride with blinky any day mate

4:10 AM [GnomeSlayer] jeeze 

4:10 AM [Blinky] I daresay my driving skills have improved exponentially!

4:10 AM [L4dybug] Morning guys 

4:10 AM [KannibalKilla] mornin sis

4:11 AM [KannibalKilla] ur mom says hi

4:11 AM [L4dybug] mom's awake already?

4:12 AM [Blinky] @GnomeSlayer @L4dybug please keep it pg there are children following you around

4:12 AM [KannibalKilla] PG my ass better keep it tv Y7 with my sister 

4:12 AM [GnomeSlayer] fight me 

4:12 AM [KannibalKilla] aight let's fight then me an you once i get back

4:13 AM [DarkPrince] I eagerly await this battle.

4:13 AM [WarKing] prepare to get your  cheeks clapped lmao

4:13 AM [Dr.L] I'm sorry what


	7. Lord of the Moles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darci joins the chat and Dale shares dead animals with Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little plot in this one if you look real hard.

1/28/17

7:15 PM [KannibalKilla] How do you guys feel about me and Bular bringin liquid Bular back with us? @GnomeSlayer @Blinky

7:15 PM [WarKing] i still think that's a bad idea 

7:15 PM [L4dybug] what heck no one bular is more than enough

7:16 PM [KannibalKilla] what if he's crispy ?

7:16 PM [GnomeSlayer] convincing vendel to allow solid bular to come with us was hard enough but two of him?

7:16 PM [DarkPrince] Merlin was correct. Prolonged exposure to highly concentrated crispiness changed him.

7:16 PM [ButtWizard] You're welcome. 

7:16 PM [GnomeSlayer] I dunno guys have you found any way to send him home?

7:16 PM [KannibalKilla] Not yet.

7:17 PM [Blinky] That's a terrible idea.

7:17 PM [DarkPrince] Liquid Bular  told us that he can remember a very strong brimstone like scent before arriving in Arcadia.

7:17 PM [ButtWizard] That is what lead me to believe that Morgana is not responsible for moving him between worlds. Brimstone is used in very old changeling magic.

7:17 PM [WarKing] a changeling sent him here?

7:17 PM [ButtWizard] It would seem to be way. However we cannot assume that Morgana wasn't involved. It would take a very powerful sorcerer to tear the fabric between realms. 

7:17 PM [KannibalKilla] You aren't saying a changeling can't be that powerful

7:18 PM [ButtWizard] Not alone, no.

7:18 PM [W.Strickler] The wizard is correct. It would take many of us changelings working together to perform such magic.

7:18 PM [Dicc] So there must be another party involved. I doubt the pale bitch would willingly associate with any changeling.

7:18 PM [L4dybug] jeeze @OldManDale that raccoon taste good?

7:18 PM [WarKing] poor rakens :[

7:18 PM [GnomeSlayer] that does look p good honestly

7:19 PM [OldManDale] it's delicious go kill your own

7:19 PM [KannibalKilla] you and your boy huntin together?

7:19 PM [Basement_dweller] This is because of your affliction isn't it Dale?

7:19 PM [Marshmall0w] Affliction? Also sup sluts I'm back 

7:20 PM [WarKing] whoa where have you been

7:20 PM [Marshmall0w] canada, me and bae lookin for a new winter home

7:20 PM [Basement_dweller] Dale let a werewolf bite him.

7:20 PM [OldManDale] Yep. 

7:21 PM [Marshmall0w] the f u c k and where was I?

7:21 PM [ButtWizard] The taste for raw flesh is only the beginning. Soon you'll lose all your hair, then teeth as new ones grow.

7:21 PM [WarKing] i thought that was cause he's old

7:21 PM [KannibalKilla] boi

7:21 PM [OldManDale] you gonna come at me like that 

7:21 PM [Dicc] Are you going to let this child roast you Dale?

7:22 PM [OldManDale] Long as my balls don't fall off I'm good.

7:22 PM [Nomura] So if a changeling sent liquid Bular to us, we can only  assume that the janus order in his universe is actively working against Gunmar.

7:22 PM [GnomeSlayer] has sent a file: raken.png

7:23 PM [WarKing] brutal guys

7:23 PM [KannibalKilla] quit picking on Dale lmao

7:23 PM [Basement_dweller] Hunting to feed your son? 

7:23 PM [WarKing] respect

7:24 PM [Blinky] He's cause quite a stir among the trolls in his group. A human's teeth aren't meant to kill a living creature.

7:24 PM [OldManDale] I bet I could kill a human with my teeth.

7:24 PM [GnomeSlayer] after seeimg that poor raken's death I do not doubt that at all

7:25 PM [ButtWizard] If these liquid changelings conspire against Gunmar we could make allies of them.

7:25 PM [Nomura] They would sooner kill you Merlin. From what liquid Bular says, you are not popular in his universe either. 

7:25 PM [GnomeSlayer] what a surprise

7:25 PM [Underl0rd] This talk of liquid trollhunters and changelings is confusing.

7:25 PM [L4dybug] guys darci will not stop texting me about it can I add her 

7:26 PM [WarKing] whoa hold up she asked you?

7:26 PM [WarKing] I kinda told her it was a bad idea cause you know how impulsive her and mary are and i don't want them to take something out of context and do something dangerous

7:26 PM [GnomeSlayer] i dunno like all of arcadia knows about trolls now so 

7:27 PM [KannibalKilla] another one joins our scurvy crew

7:27 PM [W.Strickler] We are not a scurvy crew.

7:28 PM [L4dybug] has added [LordMole]

7:28 PM [OldManDale] yo ho ho

7:28 PM [GnomeSlayer] wasn't that fruit from one piece called gumm gumm 

7:29 PM [WarKing] loooool also hey darci

7:29 PM [LordMole] hey tp

7:29 PM [Eli] yo ho ho he took a bite of gum gum that show was my shit 

7:30 PM [Dicc] Sounds like a good time.

7:30 PM [Basement_dweller] That is the game you played with Atreyu isn't it?

7:30 PM [Eli] one piece pirate warriors yeah

7:30 PM [KannibalKilla] welcome to hell darci 

7:31 PM [LordMole] Hell is for children.

7:31 PM [W.Strickler] This chat isn't lacking children.

7:31 PM [Dicc] Big angry stone children.

7:31 PM [GnomeSlayer] gang gang

7:32 PM [Dr.L] So how far out are you guys?

7:32 PM [GnomeSlayer] Should be close to Tuscon by morning. If there's a gyre station Vendel will probably have everyone rest nearby.

7:32 PM [WarKing] We'll be there!

7:32 PM [Eli] @Dicc you don't happen to have any pieces of a fetch lying around do you?

7:33 PM [GnomeSlayer] Just ask the legion to find some

7:33 PM [Dicc] I have all the pieces if you need them. The legion is busy building Gunmar a new keep, or perhaps I would ask them.

7:33 PM [LordMole] The legion??

7:34 PM [WarKing] Gunmar has murderous teenage fanboys living with him now.

7:34 PM [Dicc] Indeed and they are simply precious!

7:34 PM [Dicc] has sent a file: legionare.png

7:34 PM [Dr.L] Are they eating human ears???

7:35 PM [LordMole] This doesn't make me an accessory to anything does it?

7:35 PM [KannibalKilla] Well me and Bular are pretty much career criminals.

7:35 PM [Underl0rd] I tried to murder your entire species twice.

7:35 PM [WarKing] you guys are not helping even a little

7:36 PM [KannibalKilla] we're all criminals here but we're still good people

7:36 PM [DarkPrince] Ish.

7:36 PM [OldManDale] @GnomeSlayer do you want any of this dead possum

7:36 PM [KannibalKilla] Thought you were hunting to feed your boy

7:37 PM [LordMole] gross out

7:37 PM [OldManDale] I was but we both ate too much. Got like an almost fully intact possum here though and I don't want to waste it.

7:37 PM [ButtWizard] Just wait until he desires human flesh. The tenth of February marks your first transformation Dale. 

7:38 PM [LordMole] Wait what human flesh

7:38 PM [Blinky] Dale is a werewolf.

7:38 PM [OldManDale] Shit is so rad.

7:38 PM [KannibalKilla] We got it under control. Silver choker, with a binding curse.

7:39 PM [OldManDale] Basically I can't hurt anyone and I'll have to do what NE and Bular say.

7:39 PM [Eli] RIP

7:39 PM [KannibalKilla] Got it from Dick and Gunmar.

7:40 PM [Nomura] You're containing a werewolf with a bondage toy.

7:40 PM [WarKing] lmao


	8. Comrade Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets a surprise.

2/4/17

1:49 PM [SpringKing] guys help me

1:49 PM [SpringKing] school sucks tell me something cool

1:49 PM [WarKing] yeah idk what's up but lawrence is really half assing class today

1:49 PM [GnomeSlayer] Is he okay?

1:50 PM [Eli] I dunno. He looks kinda tired.

1:50 PM [KannibalKilla] Man look at this

1:50 PM [KannibalKilla] has sent a file: toothless.png

1:51 PM [OldManDale] glad my suffering brings you happiness. I still have six teeth by the way.

1:51 PM [GnomeSlayer] They'll grow back once you turn right?

1:51 PM [L4dybug] We just reached new mexico last night. Luckily there's  a pretty big cave system underneath because there's not much cover here.

1:52 PM [GnomeSlayer] Grass, dirt, and occasionally a cow in the distance.

1:52 PM [SpringKing] sounds like u guys are as bored as we are

1:52 PM [KannibalKilla] we should have stayed in arcadia eh @DarkPrince

1:52 PM [Basement_dweller] Atreyu misses you. 

1:53 PM [KannibalKilla] man i miss him too tell him i said that

1:53 PM [WarKing] There hasn't been any trollhunting to do here 

1:53 PM [GnomeSlayer] all we've been doing is breaking up fights 

1:53 PM [L4dybug] jim, 5 o clock

1:53 PM [GnomeSlayer] the heck 

1:54 PM [WarKing] what's happening??

1:54 PM [KannibalKilla] whole bunch of trolls just showed up in the cave we're hiding in

1:54 PM [GnomeSlayer] these are gumm gumms tho brb 

1:54 PM [WarKing] whoa what?

1:54 PM [Dicc] Probably the soldiers that left before Gunmar was dethroned. Jim is the gumm gumm king, remember? They need a king to follow.

1:55 PM [WarKing] oh man i forgot about that 

1:55 PM [Eli] How many are there?

1:56 PM [KannibalKilla] two dozen at least

1:56 PM [KannibalKilla] man vendel is ripping into jim something fierce

1:56 PM [OldManDale] I'm guessing Jim didn't mention that to Vendel. 

1:56 PM [KannibalKilla] Probably not. You cool around all these gumm gumms Dale?

1:57 PM [OldManDale] I am but Wattie isn't exactly comfortable around them.

1:57 PM [WarKing] Really can't say i blame him. No offense Bular.

1:57 PM [DarkPrince] None taken. We are terrifying.

1:57 PM [GnomeSlayer] So Vendel says they can travel with us as long as they stay a ways behind everyone else.

1:58 PM [RRR] Outcasts.

1:58 PM [Bkinky] I don't think anyone is happy about this. 

1:58 PM [WarKing] you have your own legion now jim !

1:58 PM [GnomeSlayer] I don't want a legion though

1:59 PM [ButtWizard] You knew this would happen when you bested Gunmar. 

1:59 PM [Eli] What are you guys doing in NM? I thought you were travelling north.

1:59 PM [Blinky] There's a rather large cave system here that will allow us to travel for weeks without risking exposure to sunlight. We also left several trolls behind in Tuscon to dig more tunnels for the gyre station.

2:00 PM [GnomeSlayer] has sent a file: gummgumm.png

2:00 PM [WarKing] Are they kneeling?

2:00 PM [Dicc] Of course. Jim is their king.

2:01 PM [GnomeSlayer] idk if i like this 

2:01 PM [WarKing] can i still be a duke?

2:01 PM [GnomeSlayer] Yes you are still a duke

2:02 PM [WarKing] excellent 

2:02 PM [KannibalKilla] hey make saying 'impure' illegal

2:02 PM [Nomura] Don't toy with your power, gynt.

2:02 PM [GnomeSlayer] I don't want to be their king honestly

2:02 PM [OldManDale] Then be their leader, not their ruler. The term King implies that you are better than them.

2:02 PM [Dicc] Be better than a king. Be a comrade.

2:03 PM [WarKing] comrade jim

2:03 PM [GnomeSlayer] i bet there's another universe where we're all communists.

2:03 PM [OldManDale] and you were born a bitter old man who had his heart broken in Catalonia, 1936

2:04 PM [LordMole] and hasn't felt right since

2:04 PM [OldManDale] she knows the words

2:04 PM [LordMole] Mary had an extended punk phase and I remembered more of it than she did

2:04 PM [L4dybug] oh god i remember that

2:04 PM [Eli] I feel like that's a reference is that a reference 

2:05 PM [SpringKing] krel and aja are basically teaching the whole class right now

2:05 PM [LordMole] Krel is a pretty good teacher tbh

2:05 PM [LordMole] omg did i tell you guys mary was legit hitting on that tall blue dude in jim's basement

2:05 PM [L4dybug] You didn't but I'm not surprised at all honestly

2:05 PM [Blinky] That's highly inappropriate. 

2:05 PM [Basement_dweller] Yes she made it weird.

2:06 PM [WarKing] mary wang hitting on draal lmao

2:06 PM [DarkPrince] What did you call her this morning, Claire?

2:07 PM [KannibalKilla] ha

2:07 PM [L4dybug] I was joking but i called her a monster fucker

2:07 PM [Dr.L] I don't know why I still tell you all to watch your language. 

2:07 PM [Blinky] has sent a file: ComradeJim.mp4

2:07 PM [Dr.L] Rise up and seize our destiny huh?

2:08 PM [LordMole] tf jim are you a communist now lol

2:08 PM [WarKing] That was touching bro 

2:08 PM [WarKing] in a good way <3

2:08 PM [GnomeSlayer] thanks bro

2:08 PM [SpringKing] like the a-shirt, lake

2:09 PM [GnomeSlayer] other shirts look weird with my fur yo

2:09 PM [KannibalKilla] i like that he says yo unironically now

2:09 PM [L4dybug] there's a troll with them that says he was raised by humans

2:10 PM [GnomeSlayer] Yeah I'm gonna have to ask him about that later

2:10 PM [WarKing] oh snap really

2:11 PM [OldManDale] already on it.

2:11 PM [LordMole] okay so who is Dale? You from arcadia?

2:11 PM [OldManDale] Worse, Tuscon

2:11 PM [GnomeSlayer] >worse

2:12 PM [OldManDale] Yeah arcadia is nice and all but there's fuckall to do there unless you like playing chess with old people in the park

2:12 PM [Nomura] That was quite a speech, Gynt. I'm impressed.

2:12 PM [KannibalKilla] like he was channelling the spirit of punk itself mate I'm proud tbh

2:13 PM [W.Strickler] Comrade Jim, then?

2:13 PM [Basement_dweller] Bular if you send me another picture of your turds I will walk to new mexico and kill you right now.

2:14 PM [GnomeSlayer] gross lmao

2:14 PM [SpringKing] he sent it to me too, it's like roughly the size of a pot bellied dwarf

2:14 PM [WarKing] that is nasty you guys

2:14 PM [Eli] I understood that reference

2:15 PM [MurderBreath] I'm ungrounded!

2:15 PM [Basement_dweller] Just remember to watch your language from now on.

2:15 PM [Basement_dweller] @KannibalKilla @DarkPrince stop teaching him to swear.

2:15 PM [Dicc] Jim is your king now, he can ground you.

2:16 PM [KannibalKilla] yeah ask claire's mom how well that worked out for her

2:16 PM [KannibalKilla] has sent a file: toofbrush.png

2:16 PM [L4dybug] Is that my mother's  toothbrush jfc


	9. Smelly potion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finds a way to send liquid Bular home. Dale recovers from his first turning.

2/11/17

3:13 PM [Dr.L] And you're sure that you are okay? 

3:14 PM [OldManDale] I'm alright. Pretty sure I've had hangovers worse than this and I even have all my teeth back!

3:14 PM [ButtWizard] Good news, everyone! I've finally devised a way to send liquid Bular back to his home dimension and even allow us to travel there ourselves.

3:14 PM [GnomeSlayer] Nice. Think Morgana is there cause I really wanna mess her up

3:14 PM [Dr.L] Mess her up? Jim are you okay?

3:15 PM [Blinky] He's bored. Young trolls often resort to violence when they have fewer outlets.

3:15 PM [GnomeSlayer] Nobody wants to fight me because I'm the gumm gumm king. 

3:15 PM [WarKing] I'm sure liquid Jim wouldn't mind some help with liquid Gunmar 

3:15 PM [ButtWizard] If you plan on traversing the crispyverse you must bring Bular and his changeling friend with you. They are a potent source of crispiness and they will be invaluable.

3:16 PM [DarkPrince] @KannibalKilla he called you invaluable 

3:16 PM [GnomeSlayer] heck yeah they are

3:16 PM [KannibalKilla] I'm touched, in a good way. Not the no no way.

3:16 PM [Eli] Hey can we come with you? I wanma meet some liquid creepslayerz.

3:17 PM [GnomeSlayer] we can't go anywhere yet, not until we know it's safe.

3:17 PM [KannibalKilla] A king what cares for his people, that's good shit

3:17 PM [GnomeSlayer] please stop calling me king

3:17 PM [WarKing] comrade works tho 

3:17 PM [GnomeSlayer] not that either lol

3:17 PM [SpringKing] why don't you ask claire to spar with you?

3:18 PM [GnomeSlayer] I really want a good fight and I don't wanna hurt her tbh

3:18 PM [KannibalKilla] if everyone is less crispy in this liquid universe then it should be a pretty good challenge i mean everybody won't stop to talk while trying to kill you

3:19 PM [Dr.L] You need to be careful if you plan on doing that

3:19 PM [GnomeSlayer] let's just get set up in NJ first

3:19 PM [WarKing] why dont you ask bular to fight you??

3:19 PM [KannibalKilla] he said nuh uh lmao

3:20 PM [GnomeSlayer] lol

3:20 PM [Basement_dweller] Coward.

3:20 PM [OldManDale] I can teach you to kill a man with his own collarbone if you want

3:20 PM [WarKing] teach me too 

3:21 PM [DarkPrince] When last we fought you were still human and you bested me. I will lose to you again. 

3:21 PM [GnomeSlayer] dang

3:21 PM [Nomura] You've changed, Bular.

3:21 PM [WarKing] for real 

3:21 PM [Basement_dweller] For the better. 

3:22 PM [DarkPrince] So Dale how are your teeth 

3:22 PM [KannibalKilla] lmao

3:22 PM [GnomeSlayer] How are we sending liquid Bular home?

3:22 PM [ButtWizard] Smear a smelly potion on his hide and send him through a doorway. 

3:23 PM [L4dybug] That's it?

3:23 PM [ButtWizard] That's it. 

3:23 PM [GnomeSlayer] If we send him back right now he might go after liquid Jim though 

3:23 PM [ButtWizard] We've interfered enough. Doing anything else right now could be incredibly dangerous.

3:24 PM [Eli] The fabric of time and space is very delicate.

3:24 PM [GnomeSlayer] I don't want to let another me get killed if I know it's about to happen 

3:24 PM [KannibalKilla] Maybe when we go after the pale lady we can check up on him

3:25 PM [Blinky] Have you had any luck in locating her, Merlin?

3:25 PM [ButtWizard] That may take a while but I know that she has at least visited liquid Bular's timeline.

3:25 PM [GnomeSlayer] So she could be in any timeline?

3:25 PM [WarKing] this is confusing

3:25 PM [KannibalKilla] We'll find her and carve her up and stick in her in a drawer

3:26 PM [GnomeSlayer] alright 

3:26 PM [OldManDale] My teeth are fantastic Bular thank you for asking. I'm keeping these ones.

3:26 PM [KannibalKilla] You two are civil today

3:26 PM [GnomeSlayer] it's uncanny tbh they shared a carcass this morning 

3:26 PM [KannibalKilla] it's an animal thing

3:26 PM [DarkPrince] I will eat you

3:26 PM [KannibalKilla] don't threaten me with a good time

3:27 PM [GnomeSlayer] don't eat anyone

3:27 PM [Blinky] Vendel wants to speak with you, Jim.

3:27 PM [GnomeSlayer] be right there

3:28 PM [WarKing] Still think you should give Vendel a phone lmao

3:28 PM [L4dybug] idk what if he gets crispified like all of us

3:28 PM [KannibalKilla] Can't imagine a crispy vendel

3:28 PM [RRR] Scary thought.

3:28 PM [L4dybug] scarier than Dale eating a live raccoon?

3:29 PM [OldManDale] I meant to send that to NE 

3:29 PM [KannibalKilla] So asswizard, when are we sending bular clone home?

3:29 PM [ButtWizard] I'll need a few days to make sure the potion is properly brewed. @Dr.L may i use your garage?

3:29 PM [Basement_dweller] He at least asks this time.

3:29 PM [Basement_dweller] Don't leave anything lying around. Atreyu may find it and I won't have that.

3:29 PM [ButtWizard] Understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is super appreciated yo :u


	10. First Official Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim issues his first order as gumm gumm king.

2/18/17

1:13 AM [GnomeSlayer] So we're in oklahoma now 

1:13 AM [GnomeSlayer] has sent a file: ok.png

1:14 AM [SpringKing] my condolences 

1:14 AM [KannibalKilla] I heard that oklahomos have the best socks 

1:14 AM [SpringKing] oklahomos lmao

1:14 AM [Marshmall0w] I thought we agreed on oklahomies

1:15 AM [SpringKing] I don't have any homies from oklahoma

1:15 AM [KannibalKilla] Liquid Bular is finally home too, shame

1:15 AM [Marshmall0w] He was getting crispy. Would that happen to anyone that came from another universe and into ours, @Buttwizard?

1:15 AM [ButtWizard] More than likely.

1:15 AM [ButtWizard] I will be joining your pilgrimage again within the week.

1:16 AM [W.Strickler] After you clean Barbara's garage.

1:16 AM [ButtWizard] I already did my chores. 

1:16 AM [GnomeSlayer] We found this really nice old tunnel to camp in, Claire is exhausted.

1:16 AM [KannibalKilla] We been walking for days, course she is. This just gives me and Bular more time to scout out the area for goblins. I heard they run a trade route through the area.

1:17 AM [DarkPrince] I miss liquid me.

1:17 AM [KannibalKilla] We'll see him again.

1:17 AM [Dicc] has sent a file: kids.png

1:17 AM [GnomeSlayer] You guys still haven't sent those kids home???

1:17 AM [Dicc] They live nearby, it's not like we kidnapped them.

1:17 AM [SpringKing] quick question here are trolls really afraid of canaries?

1:17 AM [GnomeSlayer] wait where did you hear that?

1:18 AM [SpringKing] Merlin

1:18 AM [Dicc] Something about the sound they make gives trolls migraines or even nightmares.

1:18 AM [GnomeSlayer] are you telling me i could have chased gunmar off with a canary

1:18 AM [Underl0rd] Canaries are nothing compared to the terror that is gunmar the ancient 

1:18 AM [KannibalKilla] and Dick didn't just send us a picture of you snuggling with human kids

1:18 AM [SpringKing] the ancient huh

1:18 AM [Dicc] Gunmar is the oldest living troll.

1:20 AM [Rotten] Your heartstone in New Jersey is already claimed. I have pictures.

1:20 AM [GnomeSlayer] well crap they've gotta let us stay though right we don't have anywhere else to go

1:20 AM [Rotten] has sent a file: jerseytrollmarket.png 

1:21 AM [GnomeSlayer] @Blinky looks just like trollmarket to me

1:21 AM [KannibalKilla] Is that guy on fire?

1:21 AM [Rotten] This market is home to many mages. It was a spell gone wrong.

1:21 AM [KannibalKilla] so you take pictures lmao

1:22 AM [Blinky] I will show this to Vendel straight away.

1:22 AM [KannibalKilla] how's that gonna work with jim bein' gumm gumm king and all

1:22 AM [GnomeSlayer] idk we'll figure that out

1:22 AM [Rotten] Perhaps when the time is right you may find your own kingdom and rule there. You're a better king than Gunmar already.

1:22 AM [KannibalKilla] oh snap

1:22 AM [GnomeSlayer] hey you guys care if I add somebody

1:23 AM [KannibalKilla] That guy that said he was raised by humans?

1:23 AM [Marshmall0w] okay but I'm a stranger

1:23 AM [GnomeSlayer] has added [Tu$k] 

1:23 AM [GnomeSlayer] well I didn't know who you were 

1:23 AM [Tu$k] ayyyy

1:24 AM [KannibalKilla] heard you playin your banjo earlier 

1:24 AM [Tu$k] good stuff?

1:24 AM [SpringKing] banjo playing trolls

1:24 AM [Tu$k] I didn't know what a troll was until I got here. 

1:24 AM [KannibalKilla] You were really raised by humans?

1:25 AM [Blinky] @GnomeSlayer There is a fight happening near the tunnel entrance 

1:25 AM [GnomeSlayer] on it 

1:25 AM [SpringKing] It's not so hard to believe is it? Look at Dale and his boy

1:25 AM [KannibalKilla] I just did and the bastard mooned me

1:26 AM [DarkPrince] has sent a file: fight.mp4

1:26 AM [KannibalKilla] jim layin down the law lmao

1:26 AM [Tu$k] man he can fight 

1:26 AM [KannibalKilla] well he took gunmar down so yeah

1:27 AM [Tu$k] who's gunmar 

1:27 AM [WarKing] lmao this is just what i needed to sign in and see

1:27 AM [Underl0rd] I am Gunmar the Ancient. 

1:27 AM [Tu$k] never heard of you

1:28 AM [KannibalKilla] yeah same who again?

1:28 AM [GnomeSlayer] so once we get to NJ we'll probably find a good place to hide while me and blinky talk to whoever's in charge there. 

1:28 AM [KannibalKilla] serious talk for once what

1:28 AM [W.Strickler] and if they won't allow you all to stay?

1:28 AM [GnomeSlayer] still working on that

1:29 AM [Dicc] If you command it, the gumm gumms will dig you a kingdom.

1:29 AM [GnomeSlayer] we wanba be close to that heartstone though unless you know of another 

1:29 AM [Dicc] We will search for one of our own, of course. I don't know where to begin but Gunmar's legion are a bright bunch and they've helped us tremendously. 

1:29 AM [GnomeSlayer] these gumm gumms don't do anything at all without my permission and it's getting on my nerves

1:30 AM [Tu$k] you tried commanding them to chill

1:30 AM [GnomeSlayer] no

1:32 AM [GnomeSlayer] it worked sorta idk if they know how to relax

1:32 AM [KannibalKilla] let me and bular teach em to chill we're experts

1:32 AM [GnomeSlayer] do this 

1:33 AM [KannibalKilla] Is this your first official order?

1:33 AM [OldManDale] history in the making here folks 

1:34 AM [GnomeSlayer] Chill with gumm gumms. That's an order.

1:34 AM [OldManDale] i got substances if you need em

1:34 AM [DarkPrince] we have glug

1:34 AM [KannibalKilla] let's get to work

 


	11. Council of Jims

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim meets James, Jim, and James

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What there's plot

12:22 PM [DarkChamp] has created the group [Council of Jims]

12:22 PM [DarkChamp] has added [RoyalPain]

12:23 PM [RoyalPain] I haven't used a phone in centuries you'll have to be patient 

12:23 PM [DarkChamp] I hope I die before I'm that old

12:23 PM [RoyalPain] Yeah I should have died years ago but this cursed amulet has kept me alive.

12:24 PM [DarkChamp] Can't imagine what that's like. I'll add the other two.

12:24 PM [DarkChamp] has added [KingoftheLake]

12:24 PM [DarkChamp] has added [ComradeJames]

12:24 PM [DarkChamp] Welcome to the council of Jims gentlemen.

12:25 PM [KingoftheLake] Never seen a cell phone like this one before. Where'd you get these? Steal em before you gave em to us?

12:25 PM [DarkChamp] I got them from walmart and you're welcome. We have a lot to talk about.

12:25 PM [RoyalPain] First let's just introduce ourselves and our timelines. I am King James Lake, trollhunter. I rule over the last kingdom of trollkind.

12:25 PM [KingoftheLake] I am Jim Lake, trollhunter and reporter for the Daily Dart. I'm basically a superhero where I'm from.

12:25 PM [DarkChamp] like spider man?

12:25 PM [KingoftheLake] Who?

12:25 PM [DarkChamp] Comrade James?

12:25 PM [ComradeJames] I apologize. I've never used a device such as this before. I am James Lake, trollhunter. My year is 1935. Also, humans and trollkind live together here.

12:26 PM [DarkChamp] I'm Jim. Trollhunter and son of Gunmar the Black. I developed a safe means of traversing through various timelines in order to bring all of you together, the most capable of trollhunters. We as a multiverse face danger and I cannot stop it by myself.

12:26 PM [KingoftheLake] This is a comic book

12:26 PM [RoyalPain] What danger?

12:27 PM [DarkChamp] There are two witches traversing the multiverse and wreaking havoc on the fabric of space time, not only that but they have at least one gunmar with them. 

12:27 PM [ComradeJim] So i get to kill Gunmar again? I'm in. I will tear him apart with my bare hands!

12:27 PM [KingoftheLake] Count me in.

12:27 PM [RoyalPain] I will join you on this quest. If only because seeing the multiverse sounds cool.

12:28 PM [DarkChamp] It is. I have one more Jim to contact. He will be easy to convince to join our cause, however there's a Merlin in his timeline.

12:28 PM [RoyalPain] If it comes to it I will kill him again. It means nothing to me.

12:28 PM [ComradeJames] Who is this Merlin?

12:29 PM [RoyalPain] The best example of why humans shouldn't use magic.

12:29 PM [KingoftheLake] So when are we doing this? Taking those witches down?

12:30 PM [DarkChamp] After I contact the final Jim. But it must be done at the right time.


	12. The forward party [Block Party]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim sends a forward party to announce their imminent arrival in Jersey Trollmarket.

4/19/17

11:54 PM [KannibalKilla] We'll be back in a few hours, not like we'll miss much 

11:54 PM [Rotten] The trollhunter has requested me?

11:55 PM [GnomeSlayer] yeah I was hoping that since you were already in new jersey once that you could show us where to send our forward party

11:55 PM [Rotten] Yes I can do that. When does this party leave?

11:55 PM [KannibalKilla] When Bular wakes up. We're going to see the keeper in this new trollmarket and let him know there's trolls in need of a home. 

11:56 PM [GnomeSlayer] Hopefully he understands cause I'm kinda tired of camping out in this old tunnel. I know Claire is too.

11:56 PM [Dicc] I had a strange dream in which Gunmar and I met ourselves. A premonition perhaps?

11:57 PM [KannibalKilla] What'd they say?

11:57 PM [Dicc] I can hardly remember but there was something. This dream Gunmar mentioned his sons. Two of them.

11:57 PM [KannibalKilla] Could be a simple dream

11:58 PM [Dicc] It felt very real.

11:58 PM [GnomeSlayer] has sent a file: crown.png

11:58 PM [OldManDale] lookin kingly

11:58 PM [GnomeSlayer] ha ha

11:59 PM [GnomeSlayer] It's pushing my mane around and it's getting on my nerves

11:59 PM [KannibalKilla] waking Bular up now cause you know what day it is

11:59 PM [W.Strickler] What day is it?

4/20/17

12:00 AM [GnomeSlayer] oh it's just 420

12:00 AM [W.Strickler] Oh good lord.

12:00 AM [KannibalKilla] everyone ping bular @DarkPrince 

12:01 AM [GnomeSlayer] @DarkPrince rise and shine

12:01 AM [MarshMall0w] @DarkPrince hey wake up so we can smoke

12:02 AM [Rotten] The keeper of this new trollmarket is an odd one.

12:02 AM [Blinky] How so?

12:02 AM [Rotten] He's quite vain. Seems to have everyone in the market under his thumb.

12:03 AM [GnomeSlayer] Maybe he's just a really great leader.

12:03 AM [KannibalKilla] maybe he got everyone brainwashed into calling him daddy

12:03 AM [Blinky] I suppose Vendel will be joining your forward party, after all. He's concerned as well. We do not know these trolls and their ways.

12:04 AM [DarkPrince] We leave in five minutes.

12:04 AM [KannibalKilla] gotta go fast

12:04 AM [GnomeSlayer] idk why nobody liked that show it was fun

12:05 AM [OldManDale] sonic satam is where it's at though

12:05 AM [GnomeSlayer] never seen it

12:05 AM [ButtWizard] You claim to have seen trollish mages in new jersey, Angor Rot?

12:06 AM [KannibalKilla] @DarkPrince you got the furs

12:06 AM [GnomeSlayer] Furs?

12:06 AM [Blinky] A gift for the keeper I assume.

12:06 AM [DarkPrince] I have the furs and glug.

12:07 AM [GnomeSlayer] should I send some of the gumm gumms along too? These guys look like they need something to do.

12:07 AM [KannibalKilla] They're your soldiers.

12:07 AM [GnomeSlayer] Take Arok and Gron with you. The two that are always buying gasoline from the goblins.

12:07 AM [KannibalKilla] got it

12:08 AM [Nomura] There's a pretty serious fight going on in the south end of the tunnel.

12:08 AM [Nomura] I'll take pictures.

12:09 AM [GnomeSlayer] omw

12:09 AM [KannibalKilla] And we're off. Text when we get there.

12:09 AM [Blinky] Please be careful, Jim.

12:10 AM [GnomeSlayer] I will.

12:10 AM [Dr.L] Hello everyone.

12:11 AM [OldManDale] Just getting off work?

12:11 AM [Dr.L] Yeah. I had a patient vomit blood on my shoes today.

12:11 AM [OldManDale] That's always fun.

12:12 AM [Dr.L] So much fun.

12:12 AM [Basement_dweller] I do not like the sound of this new keeper.

12:12 AM [GnomeSlayer] owned that guy also hi mom

12:13 AM [Dr.L] Morning honey. Doing alright?

 

12:13 AM [GnomeSlayer] Yeah just breaking up fights and now just waiting on NE and Bular to arrive at new trollmarket.

12:13 AM [Dr.L] The amulet giving you any problems?

12:14 AM [GnomeSlayer] Not since I took it off the first time.

12:14 AM [Marshmall0w] He's used to being a troll at this point 

12:14 AM [GnomeSlayer] hella

12:14 AM [GnomeSlayer] i mean except that I'm technically an adult now that still blows my mind sometimes

 12:14 AM [Dr.L] You aren't the only one.

12:15 AM [OldManDale] I feel that.

12:15 AM [Nomura] Ditto.

12:15 AM [GnomeSlayer] Dale are you washing your hair in a bucket

12:15 AM [Nomura] Looks like it.

12:16 AM [OldManDale] I'm an old crusty, man it's how we do it

12:16 AM [GnomeSlayer] a crusty?

12:16 AM [OldManDale] I used to be homeless, livin off the crust of society. Crusty.

12:16 AM [GnomeSlayer] it sounds crispy but crumblier

12:17 AM [GnomeSlayer] crumblepunk

12:17 AM [OldManDale] man why isn't trollpunk a thing

12:17 AM [GnomeSlayer] it might be cause mary and darci wrote a pretty sick ballad about the battle at arcadia

12:17 AM [OldManDale] the foremothers of trollpunk

12:18 AM [GnomeSlayer] I told Toby you said that and he's apparently making it a thing now

12:28 AM [Nomura] Would a trollpunk be somebody who is a troll, or just lives among them?

12:28 AM [KannibalKilla] aight we here, talking to the keeper in just a few.

12:28 AM [KannibalKilla] idk what trollpunk is but dale counts

12:28 AM [OldManDale] aw thanks

12:29 AM [GnomeSlayer] you guys got there quick

12:29 AM [KannibalKilla] Since we're practically camping in Soho the market is only like ten minutes away.

12:29 AM [GnomeSlayer] Let us know when we can come visit.

12:29 AM [KannibalKilla] got it 


	13. Kaulingr the Peaceful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is impatient.

4/20/17

10:13 AM [KannibalKilla] jersey trollmarket is lit

10:13 AM [GnomeSlayer] can't wait to see it.

10:13 AM [KannibalKilla] keeper says he's got more than enough room so it looks like this pilgrimage is over

10:13 AM [Rotten] Their gyre station is functional as well, though it's not connected to Arcadia's line.

10:13 AM [WarKing] we'll help build from this end!

10:13 AM [Blinky] I admire your enthusiasm Toby but I'll insist that you leave the heavywork to Aaarrrggh and the other trolls.

10:14 AM [GnomeSlayer] i can't wait to see you guys again either

10:14 AM [WarKing] It's been so boring around here without you guys

10:15 AM [GnomeSlayer] well we also have to see what the keeper here thinks of human visitors too

10:15 AM [KannibalKilla] he's pretty fair as far as i see, you guys hurry and get here and ask him yourself

10:15 AM [GnomeSlayer] I'm just getting ready now

10:15 AM [L4dybug] He's letting me brush his mane finally

10:15 AM [KannibalKilla] almost done?

10:16 AM [OldManDale] so is everyone going now or?

10:16 AM [GnomeSlayer] We're going in groups cause we kinda have to walk through soho a little

10:16 AM [KannibalKilla] me and bular already chose a place you guys needa catch up.

10:17 AM [GnomeSlayer] working on it lmao relax

10:17 AM [Blinky] I'm certain that NotEnrique is as eager for this pilgrimage to be over as the rest of us. 

10:17 AM [WarKing] Vendel won't be keeper anymore will he?

10:17 AM [Blinky] I'm afraid not, however this doesn't seem to bother Vendel in the least. 

10:18 AM [GnomeSlayer] well he doesn't have to deal with us and our shenanigans anymore 

10:18 AM [KannibalKilla] yeah try not to piss this new keeper off too fast

10:18 AM [L4dybug] has sent a file: kingly.png

10:18 AM [KannibalKilla] lookin good king jim

10:18 AM [GnomeSlayer] what's the keeper's name?

10:19 AM [Rotten] Kaulingr the peaceful.

10:19 AM [KannibalKilla] Aaarrrggh ain't the only pacifist troll, looks like.

10:19 AM [DarkPrince] He doesn't seem to mind gumm gumms so long as they behave themselves. 

10:20 AM [GnomeSlayer] They've gotten better.

10:20 AM [KannibalKilla] true

10:20 AM [GnomeSlayer] Well they behave when @OldManDale isn't being a bad influence

10:21 AM [WarKing] the trolls here said it'll take almost four months to get the gyre finished :<

10:21 AM [GnomeSlayer] once we're settled in maybe you can fly to jersey and hang with us for a few days

10:21 AM [L4dybug] With what money tho

10:22 AM [WarKing] yeah that's also a problem

10:22 AM [KannibalKilla] pfffft money I'll send you a few hundred so you can visit

10:22 AM [DarkPrince] We both have money still, even after our business in Arcadia was halted. 

10:22 AM [GnomeSlayer] that's really nice of you guys

10:22 AM [GnomeSlayer] yeah we're leaving now so I'll send hella pictures

10:23 AM [WarKing] u better

10:23 AM [Dr.L] I'd better get some too.

10:23 AM [GnomeSlayer] of course 

10:24 AM [Dicc] has sent a file: selfiestat.png

10:24 AM [KannibalKilla] place is looking good, Dick 

10:24 AM [Dicc] Now that Gunmar is helping it certainly looks more like a home.

10:24 AM [Blinky] Have you sent those children home yet?

10:25 AM [Underl0rd] It's not as though we've kidnapped them, the legion goes home every night.

10:25 AM [GnomeSlayer] as long as you aren't making them do anything crazy

10:25 AM [Dicc] They're just happy to have a place to go.

10:25 AM [Rotten] @KannibalKilla we must discuss what your child just sent to me. 

10:26 AM [KannibalKilla] Is it the stumpy legs meme?

10:26 AM [Rotten] Yes.

10:26 AM [MurderBreath] don't rat on me i thought we were chill

10:27 AM [GnomeSlayer] I can feel angor rot sighing from here 

10:27 AM [Rotten] Oh you can?

10:27 AM [Basement_dweller] Atreyu has decided to become an assassin and looks to Angor Rot for guidance.

10:27 AM [GnomeSlayer] isn't he a little young for that

10:27 AM [Basement_dweller] Yes. He's not even whetted yet.

10:28 AM [GnomeSlayer] Whetted?

10:28 AM [Basement_dweller] A coming of age ritual for young trolls.

10:28 AM [KannibalKilla] Maybe we can get him grouped up with some whelps from jersey trollmarket once they get whetted.

10:28 AM [Basement_dweller] I'd like to. @OldManDale will your son be whetted as well?

10:29 AM [GnomeSlayer] Dale's phone is off rn he's hunting some snacks for the trip.

10:29 AM [Blinky] It's only fifteen minutes away and you aren't leaving until sundown.

10:29 AM [GnomeSlayer] I thought a few of us were sneaking over there right now

10:29 AM [Blinky] It's far too dangerous! You could be seen or caught in the sunlight!

10:30 AM [GnomeSlayer] alright well we can wait then

10:30 AM [KannibalKilla] These guys here in trollmarket are ready to meet you cause me n bular already told Kaulingr you were both trollhunter and a king

10:30 AM [L4dybug] That's just more time we have to work on getting those knots out of your hair

10:30 AM [GnomeSlayer] oh boy


	14. Glug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim tries glug for the first time and will probably regret it. Steve gets a haircut.

4/21/17

1:09 AM [L4dybug] has sent a file: glug.png

1:09 AM [WarKing] holy crap is that Jim??

1:10 AM [KannibalKilla] Couldn't even make it through his first flagon of glug lmao

1:10 AM [L4dybug] I told him it was a bad idea

1:10 AM [Dr.L] Is he drinking?!

1:11 AM [KannibalKilla] Well he was but he's done for the night. I cut him off.

1:11 AM [Dr.L] When he wakes up he's grounded. Hard. Where is Blinky?

1:11 AM [KannibalKilla] has sent a file: glug2.png

1:11 AM [Dr.L] I will ground both of them I swear

1:11 AM [W.Strickler] It is customary for trolls, on some occasions, for a father and son to share a drink. Even very young whelps.

1:12 AM [KannibalKilla] Blinky's too drank to answer his phone 

1:12 AM [Dr.L] I really don't care what's customary Jim is sixteen years old.

1:12 AM [L4dybug] That's what I said but the new keeper insisted 

1:13 AM [KannibalKilla] Jim didn't say no tho

1:13 AM [Dr.L] Is everyone there?

1:13 AM [L4dybug] yeah we got everybody settled 

1:13 AM [OldManDale] jim was saying something about wearing blue instead of red?

1:14 AM [L4dybug] Yeah something about blue being a less crispy color.

1:14 AM [KannibalKilla] I'll help you find a place for him to sleep it off.

1:14 AM [L4dybug] We found a nice cave earlier and Jim's gumm gumm buddies all moved in right around us 

1:14 AM [KannibalKilla] Protecting their king most likely.

1:14 AM [Dr.L] I'm glad you guys found a place. Separate rooms though you two. 

1:15 AM [L4dybug] lol that's the first thing my dad said too 

1:15 AM [Basement_dweller] We will begin construction on the gyre line tomorrow.

1:15 AM [WarKing] Let me know if you guys need help!

1:15 AM [Eli] steve cut his hair and he looks like ron stoppable

1:16 AM [L4dybug] what lol

1:16 AM [SpringKing] can u not tell people that lmao

1:16 AM [WarKing] man I can't wait to visit you guys

1:17 AM [L4dybug] we can't wait either

1:17 AM [KannibalKilla] Keeper says visitors are fine too, so you all better hurry and get here. I wanna see me son!

1:17 AM [Basement_dweller] He misses you and Bular dearly.

1:17 AM [L4dybug] Awww are you tearing up

1:18 AM [KannibalKilla] I got glug in my eye hush

1:18 AM [L4dybug] Help me carry jim @DarkPrince

1:18 AM [L4dybug] He's gotta sleep this off and he can't do it in the middle of a huge party

1:19 AM [DarkPrince] Very well. Where am I taking him? 

1:19 AM [L4dybug] I'll show you hold on

1:19 AM [SpringKing] hold up is lake drunk????

1:19 AM [KannibalKilla] He's gonna regret this in the morning lmao

1:20 AM [Dr.L] Oh yes he will.

1:20 AM [SpringKing] just saw the pictures haha he's tanked

1:20 AM [Eli] It was only one drink too. Not that I can drink, or have ever tried. I'm too scared.

1:20 AM [L4dybug] Jim said something about communist spain when we were getting him into bed. 

1:21 AM [KannibalKilla] He must be really out of it. You leave him with the gumm gumms?

1:21 AM [L4dybug] Yeah like three of them are sleeping next to his bed, now including Bular.

1:21 AM [KannibalKilla] They'll keep him safe.

1:21 AM [L4dybug] I guess I'm going to sleep too. Night everyone.

1:22 AM [KannibalKilla] Sleep tite sis

1:22 AM [OldManDale] Sleep pffft

1:22 AM [W.Strickler] Good morning Dale.

1:22 AM [OldManDale] I'm kidding tho sleep is life

1:23 AM [Eli] does your beast blood keep you from restful sleep?

1:23 AM [OldManDale] my son keeps me from restful sleep

1:23 AM [KannibalKilla] I feel it.

1:23 AM [OldManDale] Kid woke me up to ask if I could smell him from across the room

1:24 AM [KannibalKilla] He tryna musk up?

1:24 AM [SpringKing] musk up?

1:24 AM [KannibalKilla] Adult trolls got a certain smell to em, only other trolls can really pick it up. Kid probably wants to smell like some of the adults he's met. 

1:24 AM [SpringKing] like a human kid asking if you can see his beard

1:24 AM [KannibalKilla] Exactly like that yeah

1:25 AM [OldManDale] that's gotta be it then

1:25 AM [Dicc] So Gunmar had another dream, one he claims is a premonition of sorts. I'd inform the trollhunter but he appears to be indisposed.

1:25 AM [Blinky] dict atios im iss you

1:25 AM [Dicc] Blinkous you're drunk. Go sleep somewhere.

1:26 AM [Blinky] br other hellO


End file.
